


Gary Goes To The Worm Store

by aeternizare



Category: Bully (Video Games), Death Note & Related Fandoms, God - Fandom, the church - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Death, Heavy Themes, Other, Pomegranates, Religion, despacito, sacrificial gloria, trent northwick implied ass eating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-02-05 19:49:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 24,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12801093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeternizare/pseuds/aeternizare
Summary: Gary, he goes.





	1. Gar bear and worms

gary fell out of a window, inching upon the ground, like a worm. fuck he loves worms. he wants a worm.  
"PETEY" he shrieked, running forward on all fours. "IM GOING TO THE WORM STORE"  
petey took a sip of his vodka, he has ascended god and the devil have no claim to him, he exists somewhere beyond reality. he is all, all he sees. Petey.  
"K."  
gary scampered very quickly, summersaulting down a bride and scrambling over a car, rolling to the worm store.  
he kicked open the door with his noodle limbs. "HELLO SIR BItCH I WOULD LIKE 2 PURCHASE ALL OF YOUR FINEST WORMS."  
"worm machine broke." the man replied, staring at a pile of worms in his hands.  
"what are those." gary said, extending his arm to point directly at the squirmy wormy pile.  
"worms."  
"GIvE me WOororosmS."  
"these r my worms."  
"mayhaps." gary said, slowly pulling his body to his arm, the limp noodles pooling on the floor under him. "they become. MY worms."  
"no fuk u"  
"doOOO u se E EE this.. SCAR I HAVE ON MY WHOLE ENTIRE EYEBALL. I AM NOT A MAN TO BE FUCKED"  
somewhere, back at school, jingle said "lmao"  
"u canny have th wormys"  
gary squinted.  
\--  
"how was the worm store." petey asked, taking another drink of alcohol, like an uninvolved parent.  
"oh yknow" garden replied, holding the worms in his hands, quickly running to his room.  
The sound of the fire truck echoed through the small tiny as fuck town, the worm storm burnt to the ground.  
there were no survivors  
except for the worms. god, the worms.  
"im gonna shove you up my ass" green bean whispered, watching them all sqorm around.  
"so far."


	2. Kirby converts to 3 armed satanism

"oh shit" kirby said, looking at his third arm "bro i can make so many poundcakes now"  
trent, who was in his bed, using kirbys bubble butt as a pillow. "BRO." he yelled  
"BRO." kirby responded, suddenly remembering that a third arm was only okay when in reference to a penis.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA" he yelled, screaming so loudly.  
"shut the fuCk UP" gary yelled, rooms over from jimmys room.  
"gravy be nice" pale groaned. jimmy was gay.  
"BRO IVE GOT A THIRD ARM"  
"BRO WHAT THE FUCK" jimmy yelled  
"BRO"  
"BRO"  
"WILL YOU MORONS STOP SAYING BRO" russell yelled "IM TRYING TO SING MY RAT TO SLEEP"  
"B R O"  
"jumper i will kill you"  
"fuk u gwar bwear korn and i are having a MOME."  
"JIMMY R U TRYNA STEAL MY MAN" trent yodeled  
"HAS ANYONE SEEN LOLA" johnny sobbed, putting up lost girlfriend posters in the hallway  
"YALL MOTHERFUCKAS" petey yelled, punching someone.  
"hot" trent said, watching all 3 of kirbys arms flex.


	3. Gary get's banned from webkinz

gary was hunched over one of the computer librarys, hissing at any nerds that came by, like a cat. a very hissy cat.  
"FUCK OfF." he yelled, voice cracking and typing in his username: "xXFr1nds4r3ForTh3w34kXx"  
he followed up with his password, quickly typing in "jimmyhopkinsisabitch" and logging into his webkinz account.  
his pet froofroo fox "bl00d" greeted. "i missed you too sweetie" gay whispered, stroking his screen and opening his instant chat.  
his friend ("hah" he scoffed, internally) reading a message that had been sent to him by "xXPoundcakeLoverXx"  
xXPoundcakeLoverXx: want to role play?  
unfortunately, gary hadn't signed up with his parents permisson, and could only use preselected sentences and words.  
xXFr1nds4r3ForTh3w34kXx: Yes.  
xXPoundcakeLoverXx invited bl00d to his house, and grant entered the room. it was blue and decorate like a lawn. Garden gnome was jealous, he was still saving up for a lawn.  
He had been rping with xXPoundcakeLoverXx for awhile now, and they had quite a thread going. Delicious, xXPoundcakeLoverXx's bulldog, was already waiting.  
They started rping and gwen was into it, he had shed tears he had laughed, he had lived through bl00d with this bulldog.  
And then it started getting intimate. Slowly, Gary had bl00d remove her bikini top, and he licked his lips in anticipation. this is what they had been building up to.  
"put it in me" he typed, only for webkinz to suggest an alterate sentence.  
"Put your thing." "Hello!" "Me!" bl00d stuttered out, as Delicious moved on top of her.  
Only for him to be logged out.  
"WHAT THE FUCK" gary yelled, slamming his hands on the desk.  
"BANNGED FOR INNAPROPRIATE CONTENT??" he raged, throwing the computer to the ground, raging as johnny had.  
\--  
across the campus, within the jock hideout, kirby sat with his laptop, staring at his owned "banned" screen.  
"no" he whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek, mourning the tragic tale of "delicious" and his gf "bl00d"'


	4. Johnny discovered to be a furry

"JIMMY" john barked, staring at the little squinty-faced freckly snugglemuffin.  
"What." jailbait asked, turning to stare at the greaser.  
"I SAW YOU WITH LOLA." vincerus yelled, stomping over to the man and slipping on his own puddle of grease.  
"Come @ me bitch" jorts replied.  
Johnny fucking DECKED gin and tonic in the face, sending him to the ground.  
"FUCK U DOIN 2 MY MAN" Gail yelled, jumping out of a bush.  
"What the fuck." johnny said, before tripping over his tiny ego.  
kirby, who had been in the area for some reason, ran over at the sound of men yelling, his inner gay attracted to the masculinity.  
gary, flailing his arms majestically, accidentally slapped kirby in the face, knocking him to the ground.  
"ITS POUNDcaKE TIME" kirby yodeled, voice cracking and punching Gay in the face. Jimmy crabwalked away from where he fell on the floor, attempting to leave the situation he had accidentally created.  
Johnny was still trying to get back up off the floor, slipping over his grease every time. It looked like a bad infomerical.  
Gay kicked Kerry in the dick, downing him instantly.   
Johnny finally got back on his feet, just in time to slip backwards, falling on Gary and crushing him.  
"o shit lol rip" james jimmadone, owner of the jimsdale jimmadome.  
jimmy finally stood back up, picking up lola who was conveniently nearby.  
"HERE GREASEBALL"  
johnny skittered over, sitting back and begging  
"FETCH" jimmy yelled, pretending to throw the only female greaser.  
johnny ran off, unfortunately running into the road and getting hit by a car, causing an oil slick. rip.  
"PUT ME DOWN." lola yelled, bitch slapping jin into the ground. jimmy died on impact


	5. Gary loves snails

"ATTENTION PLEASE" GARY screamed into the pa, his voice cracking and the speaker screaming.  
"I LOVE SNAILS" he yelled, miss danvers giving up on correcting these hooligans, she just wanted crabblesnitch's dick, she never asked for this.  
"what the fuck" salty jimmy said, squitning at the pa. FUN. in HIS SCHOOL?  
blessed jimmy was helping an old lady across the road. for money. it worked.  
GARY COLLAPSED ON THE FLOOR, snailing along. "im snailkin" he whispered, falling down the stairs, landing at salt jims feet.  
"yo bitch which gary are you cause i know like 6"  
"im snailgary"  
"thats a stupid gary"  
"FUCK YOU" gary sobbed.  
blessed jimmy kicked open the door, christy in tow. "THAT IMPOSTER IS KIN INVALIDATING"  
"WOW WHAT THE FUCK" christy said, publishing the newspaper. "READ ALL ABOUT THIS SALTY BITCH"  
"what the fuck" salty jimmy said, annoyed by happiness.  
blessed jimmy pulled out his yugiohdeck "IT'S TIME TO DUEL" he yelled, slapping down 6 different cards and banishing him t the shadow realm  
"i love my snail boyfriend" jimmy said, collapsing ot his knees and letting gary writhe in his arms.  
petey joined miss danvers in the office, drinking.


	6. Bullworth converts to satanism

"bullworth blood satanic sacrifice" gloria whispered  
"how the fuck did you get here" gary whispered in responce, sitting in jimmys bed  
"shhhhh" she whispered, climbing back out of the window  
"that was weird" jimmy said  
"is she talking about the preps?" gale asked  
"lets go investigate scoobs" jimmy said, picking gary up and tossing him out the window  
jimmy jumped out after him.  
"zoinks" green said, naruto running after his boyfriend  
they both ran to the prep house in equally cartoony ways before kicking open the door  
"BOOM BABY" gary yelled, despite jimmy kicking open the door.  
"shut the up fuck up thundercunt" jimmy hissed  
"boom baby" gary whispered, worming in after jimmy as he ninja'd in. he didnt have those outfits for nothing.  
they entered the main room and hid behind a chair. gary hid behind a flag pole. stick ass lookin twink.  
in the middle they watched as the blood ritual was completely. goodbye derby, you will not be missed. a man, old and wrinkled drank his blood, letting the youth revitalize him  
"holy shit" jimmy said, watching the hood fall off to reveal petey.  
"what the fuck" gary said, extending his hand out to grab one of the preps wallets from his back pocket before he pulled it back.  
"you forced my hand, gawy beawy" petey said, looking up at them, his eyes all seeing  
"oh holy shit" jimmy said, turning and walking the fuck away  
"goodbye, blessed jimmy" petey said, shutting the door behind him.  
"wow what kind of fucking boyfriend are you" gary said, as petey summoned him closer  
"this is kinda hot." gary whispered, tentacles entering his vision.  
petey would have his revenge tonight.


	7. Wow, Cronch

Fuck, whispered Gary. He bopped it sensually to Rick Astley's lovely ass. Pete Kowalski Screamed fearfully as Gary bopped it hard. Jimmy Hopkins liked piano and gary's ass. Piano was sexy escapism. Jesus Christ. Jimmy transformed into a piano; pianokin. Wonderously, Pete felt human at the sexy piano-esque form of james jimmadone, owner of the jimmsdale jimmadome, boppin' it with gay..... Gary imploded sexily. "Men" nutted Pete ? Confusedly. Wizard joined Bullworth Academy nightmare club. At 1:30 pm Mr Galloway destroyed the souls of the innocent webkinz that gary collected over the years. Rick Astley sobbed while displaying his lovely vulnerability. Kirby Olsen was resting on a bubble butt. "Why" asked Gord sadly, watching Kirby's emotional descent into homosexuality, it was really troubling for Gord because he had yet to murder Trent. Trent was Gord's childhood sweetheart who had left him for a talentless football fucker. Murder was an option and so was a three-way. Delicious. "Ew, feelings" said Gord mournfully as Kirby stared at the supple feet floating above in heaven. 

Jesus loved himself more than Gary Smith. Gary contemplated death because his money had burned WOW, Cronch.


	8. Bully's Bizarre Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirby makes an effort to learn the Jojo characters names
> 
>  
> 
> (written by the lovely kirby himself)

Johnny burst into the blessed bullworth boyes' room one at a time clutching a bunch of DVDs with an incredibly muscular man on the cover. He knocked down their doors and screamed "WAKE UP LOSERS WE'RE WATCHING JOJO." Kirby was the last boye who needed to be woken up. He was snoring, letting out a bunch of snzzzes, dreaming about Trent Northwick Ass Eating, when he was rudely awoken by Johnny's screaming  
"Johnny what the fuck i was sleeping" Kirby kirbled.   
"FUCK YOU." And with that, Johnny rolled him up in his blankets like a jock burrito and pushed him toward the TV.(edited)  
Vance, Jimmy, and Gary were already there, their facial expressions ranging from ecstatic to vexed. Vance was clearly the most excited.   
"DUDE HOLY FUCK I LOVE JOJO" Vanced Vance, pompadour rustling in pure joy.  
"FUCK YEAH" Replied Johnny, Slamming the Jojo DVDs into the player and pressing play, turning the volume all the way up.   
"I wanted to watch one piece jojo's lame lmao" Gary muttered.   
"Stfu gary" Vance and Johnny yelled in unison.  
The group watched with rapt attention, well, the group minus Kirby. He was too busy daydreaming about holding hands with Trent. Fucking loser lmao. Johnny's entire Jojo collection went by in a flash. Kirby began to sweat knowing that the greasers would probably quiz him on the knowledge he didn't have.  
"So Kirby, what did you think?" Asked Johnny. Kirby's tiny jock heart dropped to the pit of his tiny jock stomach.  
"Uh... it was... wow, those dudes are-" He glanced at the DVD's case. "really buff." His face pulled back awkwardly, hoping that the greaser would buy it and he could get on with his day.  
"Yeah, I know. Who's your favorite character? Personally, I like-" Johnny kept going, but Kirby zoned out once he started naming characters.   
"Kirby? Kirby? You good?"  
"Uh.... uhhhhhhhhhhh...." He was still pulling the weird face. He needed to come up with something, and fast."Joe... he's pretty cool."  
"Joe?" Johnny stared at him in puzzlement.  
"Yeah, Joe. That guy was... uh... he was pretty strong, yeah. And he got all the pussy."  
"You mean... Jotaro, right?"  
"Yeah, him! Joe-taro."   
In a flash, Johnny was beside himself in rage. He beat the shit out of Kirby while the other blessed boyes watched from the sidelines, afraid to intervene. there were no survivors


	9. smopkins is real are you all happy

"gary, i have something i need to tell you"  
Gary stopped watching the tv, turning his gaze towards Jimmy  
“What is it?” Gary asked, lips gently parted, hair mused artfully  
Jimmy stared longfully, the tv a simple drone in the background, nothing could distract him from the man before him.  
“I want you” always a man of action, Jimmy does not hesitate.  
Gary’s hazel eyes widened, and slowly he stood back up proper, turning his enchanting gaze towards Jimmy once more  
“What… what do you mean?” he asked, voice softer, hair shifting in the breeze.  
Jimmy reached out, gently taking Gary’s chin in his hand, stepping forward. He caressed the other man’s cheek with his thumb, it was just them in the world tonight.  
“I want you, I have since I saw you.” his voice, husky, deep, everything a twink would want in a man  
Gary flustered, shyly pulling away to look elsewhere, knees suddenly weak. “You moron, you don’t know what you’re saying.”  
Jimmy’s hands moved lower, grabbing Gary by the hips and pulling him over, pressing their bodies together.  
“I may not know what I’m saying, but i know what i want” breathed Jimmy, rapidly becoming more and more out of character, his bulging muscles distracting Gary from the conversation. “And i want you”  
Gary didn’t know how to respond desire and shock swirling into a mess of an emotion. “What about all the other girls?”  
Jimmy took him by the chin once more, forcing Gary to look him in the eyes. “What other girls?”  
Gary swooned, falling into his embrace. They were married that night, Dr. Crabblesnitch officiated. Holy shit.  
Years in the future, Jimmy would look back and smile at how he met his husband, shaking his head softly at the antics of their youth, and all the things they got into when they were still young.  
Soon he heard footsteps behind him, and he turned gently to see Gary approaching, holding a child in his arms.  
Jimmy rose to meet him, wrapping his arms around his husband and looking down at the innocent child looking back up at them with wide eyes.  
“Where did you get her?” Jimmy asked, still smiling  
Gary sighed and rested his head against Jimmy, also smiling. “I just stole a baby.”  
Jimmy nodded, looking thoughtful. “Where the fuck are we going to put it?”  
Gary shrugged “i have no idea, lets keep it.”


	10. Wow, pomegranates

He bleeds out uncomfortably on the floor, which is cold and heartless .  
Bastard.   
Peanut Romano confronted his awful hairstyle. Pomegranate coloured pomegranate.   
Strange , how one can see miniature minister derby harrington approach the bullworth hentai club.   
Woe.  
He cried "fuck". his mother was also legally his aunt.  
This was.  
Well, an insurpassable problem because his mother was also emotionally his grandma.  
Anyways, Peanut is still bleeding.   
He is unfortunately not accepting his homosexuality. It was emotionally taxing to be like that sometimes.   
Johnny cried because he was watching the outsiders. He was unaware that Peanut was homosexual and was more focused on Lola.   
Peanut finally stopped bleeding somehow and left the tenements to go find lola and 4get Johnny.   
Lola was uninterested in bikes she prefered cars but vance thought cars were lame.  
Peanut was in no small amount of pain, however he was determined to become a spider to impress Johnny with his 8 legs they were. Yar.   
Johnny, however was still distracted by electricity that was the same colour as pomegranates.  
Johnny liked pomegranates.   
Pomegranates were the same as Pomegranates.  
Johnny was contemplating whether or not to become a pomegranate spider hybrid. Which was the same as a spider pomegranate hybrid..   
Men, nutted Peanut? Hypothetically, as a spider he distrusted god, who had given him A pomegranate which was the same as death?   
"Sometimes I just gotta make sure that god is still getting my snapchats" Said Lola as she took a picture of a pomegranate which was the same color as her pussy.   
"It be like that sometimes, Gadzooks." Said Peanut as he bopped it sensually like a pomegranate... "heh" grunted sans undertale who was watching from the lightbulb which was like a lightbulb. He will die soon.   
"Thank god." Said Lola. She hated sans because he eat gods ass..   
She wanted to eat god's pomegranate as-whole.  
Quakers came baring gifts of the oats... Which when planted, grew into oogh.   
The oogh were like pomegranates.   
"Fuck." Said Peanut, he wanted to destroy Johnny's ass and eat it like a pomegranate.   
"Why" said sans. He was bleeding Blood, the same colour as my oogh.   
Aliens bestowed sans with gifts of oogh.   
The power of pomegranates christ.   
Derby was gay aliens.   
Derby was hollow, aliens were within; such pain. He felt like a pomegranate except he was like an oogh-ooghkin.   
Derby pianoed with the best of men and the worst.   
Wow, Pomegranate.


	11. Gary goes to the goth store

Hi my name is Gary Sugartits Dark’ness Dementia Raven Gar bear Way Smith and I have short shitty brown hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my ear tips and icy brown eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Gord Vendome without his shit together (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a wizard, and I go to a magic school called Bullworth in new England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Bullworth. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Gary!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Jimmy Hopkins!

“What’s up James?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my nonexistant friends call me and I had to go away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Lola (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long shoulder-length raven brown hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-brown eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)  
ad  
“OMFG, I saw you talking to Jimmy Hopkins yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Jimmy?” she asked as we went out of the Boys dorm (Why the FUCK was lola there) common room and into the Common room. 

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Jimmy walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Old Bullworth Vale.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Jimmy was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi James!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Sugartits.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

“You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Jimmy, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Jimmy looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Jimmy sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Jimmy. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Jimmy and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Jimmy didn’t go back into Bullworth, instead he drove the car into……………………… Blue Skies Industrial park!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“JAMES!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Jimmy didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Gawy?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Jimmy leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Jimmy kissed me passionately. Jimmy climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Dr. Crabblesnitch!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dr. Crabblesnitch made and Jimmy and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Jimmy comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dr. Crabblesnitch took us to Mr. Hattrick and Ms Danvers who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in Blue Skies Industrial park!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Ms Danvers  
“How dare you?” demanded Mr. Hattrick.

And then Jimmy shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!”

Everyone was quiet. Dr. Crabblesnitch and Ms Danvers still looked mad but Mr. Hattrick said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Jimmy and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Green bean?” Draco asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Jimmy was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Jimmy’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a bloke so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Pete Kowalski, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Jimmy came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

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Jimmy and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Jimmy. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Jimmy. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

“Oh Jimmy, Jimmy!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Jimmy’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Jimmy pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Jimmy ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Mr. Hattrick and some other people.

“VAMPIRE KOWALSKI, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.

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Everyone in the class stared at me and then Jimmy came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

“Gargle, it’s not what you think!” Jimothy screamed sadly.

My friend Gloria Jackson smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her short gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Gloria was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Derby Harrington killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Jackson and not Pomegranate which is the same as pomegranate. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Bullworth nightmare club now not the boys dorm. )

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Hattrick demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

“Petey, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Jimmy!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Garland was so mad at me. I had went out with Petey (I’m bi and so is Gary) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Tad, a stupid web toed preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

“But I’m not going out with Jimmy anymore!” said Pete.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into Blue skies industrial park where I had lost my virility to Jimmy and then I started to bust into tears.

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Jimmy for cheating on me. I began to cry against the factory where I did it with Jimmy.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Derby in the game) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Derby Harrington!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Derby shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away.

“Brick!” I shouted at him. Derby Harrington fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.

“Gatorade.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Kowalski!”

I thought about Petey and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Jimmy had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Jimmy went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

“No, Derby!” I shouted back.

Derby gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved James Hopkins!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Derby Harrington got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Petey, then thou know what will happen to Jimmy!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Jimmy came into the Wonder Meats Factory.

“Jimmy!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Bullworth together making out.

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I was really scared about derbins all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are Gloria, Petey, Jimmy, Kirby (although we call him Poundcake now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Mr. Burton. Only today Jimmy and Petey were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew JImmy was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Petey was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

“Garbage! Are you OK?” Gloria asked in a concerted voice.

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Derby came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Petey! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Jimmy. But if I don’t kill etey then Derby, will fucking kill Jimmy!” I burst into tears.  
Suddenly Jimmy jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Jimmy started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dr. Crabtits walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Gawy, Jimmy has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”

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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! Gloria tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dr. Crabblesnitch chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Mr. Hattrick was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Mr. Galloway was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Petey ran in.

“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Mr. Hattrick and Mr. Galloway pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Mr. Hattrick and Mr. Galloway a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dr. Crabblysnatch ran in. “Geode, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Mr. Hattrick and Mr. Galloway and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Mr Burton ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

“What do you know, Mr Burton ? You’re just a little Bullworth student!”

“I MAY BE A BULLWORTH STUDENT….” Mr. Burton paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“This cannot be.” Mr. Hattrick said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dr. Cumstitch’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

Mr. Galloway held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

“Why are you doing this?” Mr. Galloway said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Mr. Burton said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

“Because you’re goffic?” Mr. Hattrick asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

“Because I LOVE HER!”

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I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that james jimmadone, owner of the jimmsdale jimmadome had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS BURton but it was Petey. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Poundcake changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Jimmy…………….Derby Harringon has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists. Mr Hattrick and Mr. Galloway and BURTON were there too. They were going to Happy Block’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Crabblebitch had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Burton came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

“Gurgle I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up preps like you.” I snapped. Burton had been mean to me before for being gottik.

“No Gary..” Hargrid says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they goffs too you poser prep?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Mr. Hattrick and Mr. Galloway.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .

“That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.

“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!”

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t a prep.

“OK I believe you now wtf is Jungle gym?”

Burton rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

“U c, Gaylord,” Dr. Custardbinch said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” Burton yelled. Dr. Crustytits lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Burton stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, Dr. craaabllesneetch!”

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don’t know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

“You look kawai, girl.”Gloria said sadly. “Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Hattrick and Galloway couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Petey was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Jimmy had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Jimmy. He was sucking some blood from a nerd.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Petey had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Jimmy. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Ms daddyvers who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Petey you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Jimmy!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“NO!” I ran up closer.

“I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but Poundcake changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Jimmy…………….Derby Harrington has him bondage!”

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Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Crabblesnitch. We were so scared.

“Crabblesnitch, Cameltits!” we both yelled. Crabblestnich came there.

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.

“Derby Harrington has Jimmy!” we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save Jimmy!” we begged.

“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Derby does to Jimmy. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Gary.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Petey started crying. “My jimmy!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Harrington house!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!”  
It was……………………………….. Derby Harrington!

 

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WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

We ran to where Derby was. It turned out that Derby wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Tad Spencer was. Jimmy was there crying tears of blood. Pomegranate was torturing him. Petey and I ran in front of Pomegranate.

“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “GaryIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

“Huh?” I asked.  
”GaryI love you will you have sex with me?” asked Pomegranate. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

“Pomegranate what art thou doing?” called Derby. Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Bullworth. We went to my room. Petey went away. There I started crying.

“What’s wrong honey?” asked Jimmy taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be stupid like all da other girls and preps here except for Gloria, because she’s not dumb or anything.”

“Why would you wanna be dumb? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Jimmy. 

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Hattrick and Galloway took a video of me naked. Burton says he’s in love with me.Petey likes me and now even Pomegrante is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Jimmy! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less of a genius?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory gary isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told him he's a genius) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.  
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“Gary, Gary!” shouted Jimmy sadly. “No, please, come back!”

But I was too mad.

“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Petey!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Jimmy and Petey. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a piano. Suddenly the piano turned to Jimmy, pianokin!

“Gary I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most genius boy in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.” Then……………. he started to sing “Da Chronicles of Life and Death” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

“OMFG.” I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Jimmy's now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Old Bullworth vale right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

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We ran happily to Old Bullworth Vale. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even JImmy thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. jimmy was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Derby Harrington and da Prep Clique!

“Wtf Jimmy im not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily. “Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them”

“What cause we…you know…” he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don’t like to talk a bout you-know-what.

“Yeah cause we you know!” I yielded in an angry voice.

“We won’t do that again.” Jimmy promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.”

“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?”

“NO.” he muttered loudly.

“R u becoming a prep or what?” I shootd angrily.

“Gary! I’m not! Pls come with me!” He fell down to his knees and started singing ‘Da world is black’ by GC to me.

I was flattened cause that’s not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

“OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

Gloria spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW Lola that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.” (an: LOLA U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

“It serves that fuking bich right.” I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. “Maybe Lola will die too.” I said.

“Kawai.” Gloria shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den Galloway did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”

“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

“OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with Jimmy tonight in Old Bullworth Vale with mcr.” I sed. “ I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”

Gloria Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”

“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

“No.” My head snaped up.

‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “Gloria are u a PREP?”

“NOOOO!NOOOO!” She laughed. “I found some cool goffic stores near Bullworth that’s all.”

“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Jimmy or Poundcake or Petey(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.

“Dr. Crabblesnitch” She sed. “Let me just call our broms.”

“OMFFG CRABBLESNITCH?” I asked quietly.

“Yah I saw the map for Bullworth on his desk.” She told me. “Come on let’s go.”

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Old Bullworth Vale. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.”

“Da real goffs?” Me and Gloria asked.

“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday Hattrick and Galloway tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”

“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

“Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said.

“Yeah it looks totlly hot.” said Gloria. 

“You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name’s Gary sugartits dark’ness dementia gar bear TARA way what’s yours?”

“Johnny Vincent.” He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.”

“Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf Jimmy you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Burton flew in on his black broom looking worried. “OMFG GAGRY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE SCHOOL NOW!”

 

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Johnny Vincent gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Burton kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Bullworth. “WTF Burton?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.” Well anyway Gloria came. Burton went away angrily.

“Hey bitch you look kawaii.” she said.

“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Gloria’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

“So r u going 2 da concert wif Jimmy?” she asked.

“Yah.” I said happily.

“I’m gong with Poundcake.” she anserred happily. Well anyway Jimmy and Poundcake came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Poundcake was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Jimmy was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. Gloria was going 2 da concert wif Poundcake. Poundcake used to be called Kirby but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Kirby converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in gay now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Poundcake now. Well anyway we al went 2 Jimmy’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad ??? gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Jimmy and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there…….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Jimmy. Jimmy and I came. It was…….Derby Harrington and da Prep Clique!

“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. "Gary, I told u to kill Petey. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Jimmy!”

“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Derby ran away. It was…………………………………DR. CRABBLESNITCH! 

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I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

(Da night before Jimmy and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dr. Crabblesnitch chased Derby away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. jimmy had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)

Well anyway I went down to the Common room. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to Gloria and Lola. Gloria was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Lola was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Petey, Poundcake and Jimmy came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

“Those guys are so fucking hot.” Kirby was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with no beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Derby yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

“……………….CRABBLESNITCH?1!” we all gasped.

“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Derby!”

“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.

“BTW you can call me Crab” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

“What a fucking poser!”Jimmy shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Petey looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Lola shouted.

I was so fucking angry.

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All day we sat angerly finking about Dr. Crabblesntich. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Jimmy was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).

“No one fucking understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his no hair in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)

“Accuse me? What about me!” I growled.

“Buy-but-but-” he grunted.

“You fucking bastard!” I moaned.

“No! Wait! It’s not what it fucking looks like!” he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Jimmy banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

Suddenly Mr. Burton came. He had appearated.

“You gave me a fucking shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in da gurl’s room?”

Only it wasn’t just Burton. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Johnny Vincent or maybe JImmy but it was Dr. Crabblesnitch. 

“Hey I need to ask you a question.” he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?”

“U no who MCR r!” I gasped.

“No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2.” He said. “Anyway Jimmy has a surprise for u.”

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All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Derby had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Jimmy so we could do it again.

“Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Galloway! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dr. Crabblesntich had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Hattrick since he was a pedo.

“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” he growld angrily.

“Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally.

“Fuker.” He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Hattrick and Galloway were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Sheldon was watching!1

“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Sheldon ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw Hattrick is movd 2 griffindoor now)

“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Glalloway shouted angrily.

“Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed.

“You dimwit!.” Hatrcik began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

“Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?”

“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Cumblestitch. So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Petey, looking extremely fucking hot.

“WTF where’d Jimmy?” I asked him.

“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Petey said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?”

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Chad's dog had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘GARY’ on it.

……….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Petey and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Helena’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Jimmy, cryin in a corner.

 

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Later we all went in the skull. Jimmy was crying in da common room. “Jimmy are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.

“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.

“Its ok Gary.” said Petey comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”

“U mean you’ll go fuck him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Jimmy. Pete came too.

“Jimmy please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)

And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Petey got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Luntz there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Luntz

“No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!” Petey said under his breast in a disgusted way.

“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Luntz. Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. Filth nodded. And then……………………….Petey frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Luntz was taking of da cloak!1

“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Jimmy crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

“Jimmy!” I cried. “R u okay?”

“I guess though.” Jimmy weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Jimmy and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Beatrice and da G&G team walked into the school!1

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All day everyone talked about the G&G team. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where……………….Gloria, petey, Poundcake, Jimmy, kirby and Lola!  
I opened my crimson eyes. Lola was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Pete was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Jimmyt was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. Gloria was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said ‘bich’ and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Pinky (who is Pinkyy) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Melvin and Fatty. It turns out that Pinky, Kirby, Fatty and Melvin’s dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism.

“OMFG” I yielded as I jumped up. “Why the fuck are u all here?”

“Gary something is really fucked up.” Jimmy said.

“OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first.” I shouted angrily.

“It’s all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful.” Jimmy said in a sexy voice.

“Oh all right.” I said smiling. “But you have to tell me why your being all erective.”

“I will I will.” he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Common room and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Gord from Griffindoor was standing next to us. He was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dr. Clabblesnitch. Beatrice Trudeau was there shouting at Dr. Crabblesnitch. Mandy Wiles was there too.

“THIS CANNOT BE!” she shouted angrily. “THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!”

“THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!” yelled Beatrice.

“YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!” yelled Mandy. “YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR DERBY WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!”

“Very well.” Dr. Crabblesntich said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And his name is…………………………………………………………………..Gary Sugartits Dark’ness Dementia Raven Gar bear Way Smith”

Jimmy, Melvin, Fatty, Pinky, Lola, Petey and Gloria looked at each other………I gasped.

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The door opened and Mandy and Beatrice stomped out angrily. Then Dr.Crabblesnitch and Mandy sawed us.

“MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!”Mandy shouted angrily. Dr. Crabblesnitch blared at her.

“Oops she made a mistake!” he corrupted her. “She means hi everybody cum in!”

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Pinky and Jimmy and opposite Gloria. Melvin and Fatty started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was………Petey! He and JImmy were shooting at eachother.

“Petey, Jimmy WTF?” I asked.

“You fucking bustard!” yelled Jimmy at Pete“I want to shit next to him!1”

“No I do!” shouted.

“No he doesn’t fucking like u, you son of a bitch!” yelled Jimmy.

“No fuck you motherfucker he laves me not you!” shouted Petey. And then……………… he jumped on Jimmy! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other.

Dr. Crabblesnitch yelled at them but they didn’t stop. All of a sudden…… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Gord that fucking prep started to cry. Petey and JImmy stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent………………….Derby!

“Gary...... Gary......” Derby Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Petey as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Jimmy too!”

“Plz don’t make me kill him plz!” I begged.

“No!” he laughed crudely. “Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!” Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into tears. Jimmy and Petey came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Derby coming to kill Jimmy while Jimmy slit his wrists in a depressed way.

“No!” I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

“Gary, Gary aure you alright?” asked Jimmy in a worried voice.

“Yeah yeah.” I said sadly as I got up.

“Everyfing’s all right Gary.” said Petey all sensetive.

“No its not!” I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. “OMFG what if I’m getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!”

“Its ok gurl.” said Gloria. “Maybe u should ask Dr. Slawter about what the visions mean though.”

“Ok bich.” I said sadly and den we went.

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Well we had Biology next so I got to ask Dr. Slawter about the visions.

“Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Dr. Slawter in Japanese. he smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. he’s da coolest fucking teacher ever. he had short dead grey hair with bald tips and red eyes. (his mom woz a vampire. he’s also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. he n Gloria get along grate) he’s really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.

“What is it Gary?” he asked. “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?”

“Yeah.” I answered. All the preps who didn’t know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. “Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?”

“Ho about now?” he asked.

“OK.” I said.

“OK class fucking dismissed every1.” Dr. Slawter said and she let every1 go. “Except for you Gord.” she pointed at Gordey and sum other preps. “Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3.”

“OK I’m having lotz of visions.” I said in a worried voice. I’m so worried is Jimmy gong 2 die.

Well he gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

“What do you c?” he asked.

“I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram.”

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was jimmy. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

“Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” said Dr. Slawter  
“Bye bitch.” I said waving.

I went to Jimmy and Petey was sitting next to him. We both followed Jimmyther and I was so exhibited.

 

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I was so excited. I fellowed Jimmy wandering if we where going 2 do it again. We went outside and then we went into Jimmy’s black car.

“Gary what the fuck did Dr Slawyter say.” whispered Jimmy potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

“he said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow.” I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Jimmy put on some MCR.

“And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.” sang Gerard’s sexy voice. We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.

“OMFG James James!” I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

“No! Please don’t fucking kill us!1” they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

“No! Oh my fucking god!11” I shouted in a scared voice.

“Gary what’s wrong?” Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy brown eyes.

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Jimmy to call Petey. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where……………………… Chad's dog and Pomegranate!11

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A few mutates later Petey came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

“Hi Pete.” I said flirtily as I started to sob. Jimmy hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.

“Oh fuck it!” Petey shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. “What fucking dick did that!”

 

“I don’t know.” I said. “Now come on we have 2 tell Crabble.”

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dr. Crabbesnitch was sitting in his office.

“Sire are dads have been shot!” Jimmu said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. “gary had a vision in a dreem.”

cbra lesnich started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know garyy’s not divisional?”

I glared at Dr. Crabllesnitch 

“Look motherfucker.” he said angrily as Crabblesntich gasped (c is da toot of crakter). “U know very well that I’m not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Chad's dog and Pomegranate- pornto!”

“Okay.” he said in a intimated voice. “Were are they?”

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. “the carnival.” I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Jimmy, Petey and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Jimmy to wait in the nurses office while Petey went to slit his wrists in his room. We looked at each other’s gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Chad's dog and pomegranate came in on stretchers……………………….and Dr. Slawter was behind them!1

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Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them.Jimmy,Chad's dog, Pomegranate bond Petey all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine.

“Cum on Gay.” said Dr Slawter. he was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real Petey blood on it and fuking black platinum boots. “I have to tell you the fucking perdition.”

I locked at Chad's dog, Pomegranate, Jimmy and Petey. They nodded.

I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Dr Slawter took out some black cards. he started to look into a black crucible ball. he said……………………… “Gary. I see drak times are near.” he said badly. he peered into da balls. “You see, you must go back in time.” he took out a Time-Toner like Gloria had. “When Derby was in Bullworth before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Derby if he was in love?” I shook my head. “U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it.”

“Okay.” I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. I went outside again sadly.

“What fucking happened?” asked Jimmy and Petey.

“Yeah what happened?” asked Pinky, Lola and Gloria.

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Chad's dog and Pomegranate being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Jimmy. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dr Crabblesnitch. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. LLuntz looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Fatty and mevlin set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Dragon's Wing Comics  
I put on my Invisibility coke with etey and JImmy and we sneaked outside 2gether.

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We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Jimmy and Petey

“Are you okay?” Pete asked potting his albastard hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it.

“Yah I guess.” I said sadly. jimmy also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. “The problem is……………………….I have to seduce derby. Ill have 2 go bak in time”

Jimmy started to cry sadly. Petey hugged him.

“Itz okay Gary.” he said finally. “But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?”

“Of coarse not!” I gasped.

“Really?” he asked.

“Sure.” I said.

We frenched sexily. Pete looked at us longingly.

Then………… I took off Jimmy’s MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Petey tattoo that said Gary on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Petey took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

“I love you gary. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.” he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Petey filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly………………………….

“WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!”

It was………………………….Mr Hattric and ms Danvers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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“Oh my satan!1” we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. hattrick and ms danvers started to shoot at us angrily.

“CUM NOW!1!” Preacher danvers yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Hattrick garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.

“Hey what the fuck!111” pete shooted angrily.

“Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?” JImmy demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. “Look, crabblesnitch noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to Happy volts’s. So give back da camera!1111”

Hahahaha the G&G club thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him.Hattrick laughed meanly.

“Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!” yelled ms danvers. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it.Jimmy started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). [ete took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.

And then……………….. he and Hattrick both took out guns using magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand.

“Crosio!” I shouted. Hattrick stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE. Ms Danvers did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said “OK Hattrick I’m going 2 go now.” She left. Hattrick started to laugh evilly. Pete started to cry.

“It’s ok Gary.” said Draco. “Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Hattrick.”

Hattrick laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111

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“No!11” we screamed sadly. Hattrick stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then…………………… he came tords Jimy!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around jimmy and nit a candle.

“What the fuck r u doing!” I shooted arngrily. Hairtick laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

“U must stab epet” he said to me. “If u don’t then I’ll rap Jimmy!1”

“No you fucking bastrad!1” I yielded.

But den Jimmy looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Pete and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Jimmy and Crabblesnitch came and the tame where JImmy almost commited suicide and Pete wuz so sportive.

Harit laughed angrily. He started to prey to Derby. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Jimmy and Petey. Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Jimmy and Petey so they would destruct Hattrick.

“Crabblesnitch will get u!” Jimmy shooted.

“Yah just wait ubtil da G&G Club finds out!11” Petey yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

“You ridiculus dondderhed!111” Hattrick yielded. He took off all of Jimmy’s clothes. Just as he was about to rape him…………………….

“Crosio!” I shited pointing my wound. Hattrick scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Chad's dog. I stopped doing crucio.

“You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-” shooted Hattrick but suddenly Chad's dog came.

Hattrick put the whip behind his bak. “Oh hello dog I wuz just teaching them sumthing.” he lied. But suddenly Pomegranate and Dr Slawter came in2 da room and they and Chad's dog unlocked the chains and put dem around Hattrick. Then Dr Slawter said ‘Come on Gary let’s go.”

 

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“I always knew u were on Derby's side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111).” Chad's dog said to hattrick

“No I’m not I was teaching them somefing!1” Hattrick clamed.

“Oh fucking yeah?” I took some blak Derbyserum out of my poket and gave it to Pomegranate. He made Hattrick dirnk it. He did arngrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Hattrick. Then Dr. Slawter and Chad's dog made us get out wif them while Hattrick told his secretes. Chad's dog took Petey and Jimmy to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. Dr Slawtery took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Derby Harrington. Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. Lola, Pinky and Gloria came too. Gloria gave me a blak bag from Johnny Vincent's store.

“Whatz in da bag?” I asked Dr Slawter

“U will c.” he said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Lola had chosen. Lola and Pinky helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick.

“You look fucking kawaii, bitch.” Gloria said.

“Fangs.” I said.

“Ok now you’re going to go back in tim.” said Dr Slawter. “U will have to do it in a few sessionz.” he gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. “After an hour use da time torner to go back here.” Dr Slawter said. Then she and Glroia put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.

“Good luk!1” Everryone shooted. Pinkys and Lola gave me deth’s touch sin. Then……….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive.

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Johnny Vincent!1111

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“Hi.” I said flirtily. “Im Gary Smith da new student.” I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.

“Da name’s John" We shok hands. “Well come on we have 2 go upstairs.” Johnny said. I followed him. “Hey JOhnny ……..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?” (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.

“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Johnyn gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s)

“omg me too!” I replied happily.

“guess what they have a concert in The vale.” satan whispered.

“The vale?” I asked.

“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Old Bullworth Vale in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“

‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned.

“ohh.” now everything was making sense for me. “so is Crabblesnitch your princepill?” I shouted.

“uh-huh.” he looked at his black nails. “im in slitherin’”

“OMfG SHME TOO!” I SHRIEDKED.

“u go to this skull?”(geddit cos im goffik) he asked.

“yah that’s why im here im NEW.” I SMELLED HAPPili.

Suddenly Crabblesnitch flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. “NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!” he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID GOFFS!”

Johnny rolled his eyes. “his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we’re in slytherine and we’re not preps.”

I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord.”

“wtf?” he asked angrily.

“oh nuffin.” I said sweetly.

then suddenlyn………………. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.”

“hey where r u goin?” Johnny asked as I fell.

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in Dr Slawter’s classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. “Crabblesnitch I think I just met u.” I said.

“oh yeah I rememba that.” Crabblesnitch said, trying to be all goffik.

Dr Slawter came in. “hey dis is my classroom wait wtf Gary what da hell r u doing?”

:”um.” I looked at him

“oh yeaH I forgot bout that.”

“wth how?” I screamed forgetting he was a teacher for a second. but hes a goff so its ok.

Dr Slawter looked sad. “um I was drinking derbyserum.” he started to cry black tears of depression. Crabblesnitch didn’t know about them.

“hey r u crying tears of blood?” he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

“fuck off!” we both said and Crabblesnitch took his hand away.

Dr Slawter started crying again in his chair, sobbing limpid tears. “omfg gary…I think im addicted to derbyserum.”

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“Oh my fuking god!1” I shooted sadly. “Shud we get u 2 Happy volt's, bitch?”

“Hel no!” he said. “Lizzen gargle, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask TJohnny Vicent 4 sum help?”

“Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Jimmy was there!111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas.

“Hey Sexxy.” I said.

“How’d it go Gary?” he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.

“Fine.” I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.

“How far did u go wif Johnny?” Jimmy asked jealously.

“Not 2 far, lol.” I borked.

“Will you hav to do it with him?” Jimmy asked angstily.

“I hop not 2 far!111” I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.

“What happened 2 Hattrick?” I growled.

“U will see.” Jimmy giggled mistressly. He opened a door……………Hattrick and Galloway werz there!11 Chad's dog waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.

“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Galloway bagged as Chad's dog started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Hattrick bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Hattrick trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). We took sum of Hattrick’s blod den Jimmy and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven’t herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Jimmy put on ‘desolition liverz’ by MCR. Den………………………………………….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.

“Oh Jimmy!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Jimmy!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

“I luv u TaGary.” he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.

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I wook up in da coffin de next day. Jimmy waz gone. I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…………………. Pomegranate cocked on da door. I hopened it.

“Hi geodude.” he said. “Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 r Dr Slawters office”

“Ok.” I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Jimmy or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.

“So what the fuck happened 2 Hattrick and Halloway?” I asked Pomegranates flirtily.

“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Happy Volts now, lol.”

I laughed evilly.

“Where r Jimmy and Petey?” I muttered.

“Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Pomegranate moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”

We went into da office. dr slawter was there. he was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic

( http/ he wuz drinking some derbyserum.

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.

“gary, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited.” he said sadly. “Good luck. Fangz!”

And then……….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around……………I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Johnny. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed……he was drinking a portent.

“Whose he!11” I asked.

“Oh, datz Dr watts” Satan said. “He’s da Portents teacher…………..Gary?”

“Yah?” I asked.

“Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Old Bullworth Vale tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat.”

“Yah?”

“Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?”

 

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I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Johnny. Suddenly I gasped……………….Jimmy wuz there!111

I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

“Jimmy what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped.

“Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Jimmy. It was Chad's dog!1 He stil had two arms.

“Oh hi dog!1” I sed. “Im Gary the new student lol we shook handz.”

“Yah Johnny told me abot you.” Chad's dog said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Pomegranate,Petey’s dad and………………Hattrick! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.

“ORLY.” I ESKED.

“Yeah.” he said. “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Vance plays da drums” he said ponting to him. “hattrick plays the boss. And Hal plays the guitar to even fo we call him Hal which is the same as hal, after Samara in da ring.”

“Hey bastards.” I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked.Chad's dog looked dawn sadly.

“We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists.”

“Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1” I gasped.

“Its okay but we need a new led snigger.” Hal said.

“Wel………..I said Im in a bnad myself.”

“Rilly?” asked Hattrick. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111

“Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?”

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) Gurn Day.

“I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz.” I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped.

“Enopby? Will u join da band? Plz!1” begged Chad's dog, Hal,, Pomegranate and Hattrick.

“Um…….ok.” I shrugged. “Are we gong to play tonight?”

“Yah.” they said.

“Ok.” I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.

“What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked.

“I wil help u go frowad in tim Gary.” he said siriusly Den……….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and……………………..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111

 

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I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Dr Slawter, Gloria Socrates and Jimmy, Petey and Lola were their to.

“OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Hal nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Hattrick uzd 2 b goffik!111111”

“Yah I no.” Chad's dog said sadly.

“Oh hey there bitch.” Dr Slawter said in an emo voice dirnking some derbyserom.

Hi fuker.” I said. “Lizzen, Johnny Vincent asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I’m playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too.”

“Oh my satan!1” (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) gasped Gloria. “Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?”

“OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11” said Dr Slawter.

“I can’t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first.” said Lola.

“Yah we need sum portions for Dr Skawter so he wont be adikted 2 derbyserum anymore nd also………….sum luv potion 4 Gary.” jimmy said resultantly.

“Well we have potions klass now.” Lola said so let’s go.

We went sexily to Potionz class. But Hattrick wasn’t there. Instead there was…………………………………………Breatice Trudeau11111

“Hey where the fuck is Dr. Crabblesnotch!111” jimmy shouted angrily.

“STFU!1” shooted Beatrice. “He is in Happy Volts now wif Hattrick and Galloway he is old and week he has kancer. “Now do ur work!111”

My friendz and I talked arngrily.

“Can you BELEVE Hattrick used to be gottik!1” Petey asked surprisedly.

“DATZ IT!11”BEATRICE SHOOTED ARNGRILY. “IM GETTING MANDY!111”

she stomped out angrily.

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Burton in da cupboard.

“WTF is he doing?” I asked. Then I looked at Jimmy. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly……………“BURTONF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11” he shooted.

I looked around…………….Burton wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Petey started 2 beat him up sexily.

“God u r such a posr!1” I shooted at Burton. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was………………Amnesia Portion!111

JIMMY'S PONT OF VIEW LOL

Petey and I chaind Burton 2 da floor.

“Oh mi fucking satan!11” Gary said. he wuz so hot. “Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Johnny foll in love wif me faster!1”

“But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata,” said Petey. “Why would u need it?”

“To make everyfing go faster lol.” said Gary.

“But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?” I asked jelosly.

“OMFG u guyz r so scary!11” said Gord, a fucking prep.

“Shut the fuk up!1” said Lola.

“Ok well anyway lets go 2 Dr.Slawters room.”

Jimmy, Gary and I went to Dr. Slawter room. But Dr. Slawter wasn’t there. Instead Johnny Vincent was.

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez.

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said ‘666’ on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset.

“OMG fangz!” I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took da clothes in da bag.

“OK Dr.Slawter wsnt hr what the fuk should we do?” asked Jimmy. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.

“Oh my fuking satan!1” I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Dr. Slawter is away. he is too gottik he is in Happy Volts now. Classes shal be taught by Dr,Crablbesnitch who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Dr.Slawter and mandy 

“OMFG!111” I shoted arngrily. “How could they do that!11”

Suddenly Dr. Crabblesnitch came.

“WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1” he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly’s blak tim machine!111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Jimmy and Petey. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was……………Dr. Wattz efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz……..Dr watts!11

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don’t kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.

“Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class.” you said finally hoping he couldn’t c da potion in ur pocket.

“Oh ok u can go now.” said Dr watts.

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Chad's dog, Hal and Hattrick were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.

“Oh hi you guys.” I said seductively. “Wheres Johnny?”

“Oh he’s cumming.” said Pomegranate. “BTW u can kall me Hades now.” Suddenly Johnny came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.

“Ok I will see you guyz at da concert.” I said and then I went with Johnny.

 

Johnnu and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Jimmy’s car. I went in it seduktivly. John started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), kuttting, musik and being goffik.

“Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11” Derby agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)

“Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena.” I said in a flirty voice. “……….Hey Johnny do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Derbyseruem?”

“Well………………” he thought. “I fink u have 2 drink Petey blod.”

Suddenly Derby parked da car behind a blak movie theater.Johnny and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol. Johnny and I laughed at da blood koz we’re sadists.

While Johnny was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took John’s gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. Johnny turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.

“OMG!111” Johnny said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. “gary gess what?”

I new that the amnesia had worked.

“Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work.” He said. “2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u.”

“Kul.” I raised my eye suggestingly. And den………. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched.

“Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111” shooted da lady behind us she was a prep.

“Fuk u!11” I said. Suddenly…………………. I attaked her suking all her blood.

“Noooooo!11” she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Sjohnny and I loked so cute 2gether. jonn and I started to walk outside.

“Zomg how did u do that?” Derby asked in a turned-on voice.

“I’m a vampire.” I said as we went into the car.

“Siriusly?” he gasped.

“Yah siriusly.” I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.

“Itz too bad we didn’t get 2 c da rest of the movie, don’t u fink?”

“Yah.” I said as we kised passively. Johnny parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Jimmy and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.

“Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111” screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. I started 2 dance really close to Johnny. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.

“I wood like to peasant……………..XBlakXTearX!11” he said. I ran onstage. Chad's dog, hal, SHattickp and Pomegranate were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag.

“Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111” I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clappd. Johnny got an eructation. “I’M NUT OKAY!1” I sang finaly. Suddenly Chad's dog started playing da song wrong by mistak.

“OMFG!1” yielded Norton. “Wut the fuck?”

“Woops im sory!” said Chad's dog.

“You fuking ashhole!1” Norton shouted angrily.

“U guys are such prepz!11” Shartrik said. “Cum on it wuz a mistake!1”

“Yah itz not his fault!11” said Pomegranate.

“No he ruined the fucking song!1” yelled Hal. 

“U guys stop!11” I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Hal took out hiz nife.

“OMFG no!11” shouted Chad's dog but it wuz 2 late Norton tried 2 shoot off his arm.

And den……………………………I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11

“No!111” yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.

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I woke up in da Norse’s offace on a special gothik coffin. Burton wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz VPEtter and JImmy had bet him up. Mr. Luntz was cleaning the room.

“Oh mi satan wut happened!” I screamed. Suddenly Derbyt came. He loked less mean then usual.

“Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11” I yielded.

“Thou hath nut killd Petey yet!11” he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.

“Volxemort? OMFG what’s wrong!111” I asked.

Sudenly……….Chad's dog, Dr slawyer r and Pomeranate came! Gloriay and Petey were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. DERVY DISAPAERD.

“OMFG Gary ur alive!111” ScremedPetey. I hugged him and Gloria.

“What the fuk happened?” I asked dem. “Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?” I gosped.

“Gar u were almost shot!11” said pomegranate. “But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time.”

“But fangz anyway!1” said Chad's dog holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

“OMG I cant beleve VPetey’ dad shot u!1” I gasped.

“Well 2 be honest Hattri k wuz pozzesd by hattrick bak den.” said NOrton.

“Yah he wuz a spy.” Pomegranate said sadly. “He wuz really a a member of the G&G club”

“And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11” saidChad's dgo. “He didn’t even realy no hu GC were until I told him.” Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Luntz looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.

“Hey haz aneone fuking seen Jimmy?” I asked gothikally.

“No JImmy told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.” said Dr Slayer. “He duzzn’t know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1”

I got up suicidally. LChads' dog,POmegrantes and Dr Slawerr left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don’t get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital’s wings wif Gloria, Lola and Petey 

“OMFG letz celebrate!11” gasped Lola.

“We can go c Hose of Wax wifJimmy!1” giggled Petey

“Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Gloria. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den………..I gasped………………………………………Jimmy wuz there doing it wif Hattrick!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.

“U fucking prep!11” we all yielded angrily.

“Yah u betrayed us!111” shooted Petey angrily as he took out his blak gun.

“No u don’t understand!1” screamed JImmyo sadly as he took his thingie out of hatrrickss.

“No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111” said Lolaw trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.

“Gary no!11111” screamed Jimmy but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.

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When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!!!!!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse’s office but it looked difrent!! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!!!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic?! at da dizcko or mcr) der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said ‘1980.’

“OMFG!!! Im back in Tim again!!!!111” I screamed loudly. Suddenly Johnny(dis is actually Derby4 photo refrenss!). Derbt wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!!!!11

“OMFG Eary r u ok.” He asked gothikally.

“Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation.” I snapped sexily. “OMG am I dedd???” koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame’s gun. I also rememberd cing Jimmyo doing it wif HAttrick!!!111

I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.

“No ur not dead.” Johnny reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. “Ur a Petey so u kant die frum a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Petey’s dad is doing.”

I noo dat da real reason I didn’t die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. “WTF!!!! JNothings almust shot CHad's dog!!!” I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn’t want him2 know I knew.

“Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress.” Johnny reasoned evilly.

“I guess that’s ok.” I said because Nortons hadn’t really shot Chad's dog. Also I noo that Chad's dog wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Johnny. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!!!!!11 He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don’t 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. “Hey.” He sed all qwietly and goffically.

“Who da fuck is that?” I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.

“Dis is…Earnest!!!!!!!!!11” Sed Derby. “He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.

“Hey Earnest” I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

“Lol hiGary .” He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!!)

“Bye.” I sed all sexily.

“Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind but we broke up.” Johnny said sadly, luking at his blak nails.

“OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!” I said fingering something I didn’t know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem??? dey kik azz!!!!).

“Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, HEarnest. Im going 2 show u something grate!!!!1” I led them to da Great Hall. “Cum on u guys.”

Chad's dog NOrton, Pomegranate andhattricks were all in da cmoomong coorn l.Chad's dog woudnt talk wiv Norton s because he had tried 2 shoot him.

“Go fuk urself you fukking douche!” he shouted at him. JImmy is never gong 2 b frends with Petey now!!1”

“Yah go fuck urself Hal!” Hal agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt Nrton had almost shot Chad's dog   
“B quiet u guys.” I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Derby good wivout doing it with him! Now {etey's dad wood never die and “OK Johnny and Earnest, u guys can start making out.” I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.

“Kool.” said Serious as Derby Harrington and Earnest started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Chad's dog, Pomegranate hAttrick and Chad's dog all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Hattrick was bi.

“Oh my fukking god!!!! Derby! derby!” screamed Earnest as his glock touched Derbyss.

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame………………Dr Crabblesnitch and Mr. Luntz!!!111111111111

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I sat depressedly in crabblesniths office wiv Hearnest. SJohnnyn, Jorton, Chad's norton, Shattrick and pomegranate. crabblestick was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song.

“What da hell is this anyway??” he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn’t find out dat I was frum another time.

“Whatever u do don’t blame Ibony, u jerk.” Johnny said.

“Yah, siriusly she was trying to get johnny and Earnest back together.” Chad's dock said deviantly.

“Be quiet you Satanists.” Crabblecsntich cockled. “If ur lucky I’ll probably send u all to Happy ovltn!!! That will teach u to copolate in da comong rom l.” He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n’Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Crabblecikd didn’t notece.

“You fucking poser.” I muttoned.

“I bet you’ve never herd of GC.” Norton said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly’s tim machine!!!!!11

“Shut up Nor!!!” Jimmy’s dad shouted.

“Yeah shut up!!!!”Sntichtrick said preppily.

“No u shut up Crabblesntch!!!!!!!!1111” said Johgny 

“I’ve had enough of u Satanists in my school!!!!” shouted Crabblesnitch spuriously.

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. “Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8!!! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was……..SJohnny.

“You dunderheads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111” screamed Crabblestnich wisely as we went.

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Johnny.. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.

“Hey kool where iz dis?” he asked in an emo voice.

“Dis is da future. Drabblesnitche’s iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine.” I told him.

“Kool what’s an ipatch?” he whimpered.

“It’s somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music.” I yakked.

“OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?” he esked in his sexah voice.

“Um I guezz sand????” I laid confuesdly.

“Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon.” He triumphently giggled.

Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

“OMG you’re fucking alive!” said Eunice wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.

“Konichiwa, bitch.” said loa. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.

“Hey, motherfucker.” Said Kirby with his red hair. He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.

“Hey whose thaGary ?”Gloriay questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.

“Oh its Johnny.” I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.

Suddenly JOhnny started to cry.

“Are you okay John?” we asked concernedly.

“OMFG ur from da future!!1! What if u don’t like m anymore koz were from difrent times?????” he asked.

“No I still like you.” I said sexily to him.

“Ok.” He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave poundcake a signal to keepJohnny occupied.Johnny fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Dr Slawtr ran in!!!!!!!1111 he was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. hhe was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.

“Oh my fucking god, where’s Jimmy!!!111 How did Hattrick get back here!!! I tohot he wuz in Happyovlts ” I asked sadly.

"came back because that girl Gord freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student.”Dlst said reassuredly.

“That bitch!!!!!!!11 Did she also free Burton andGalloway?” I shouted angrily. I hate Gord because he was a fucking prep.

“Yes they are on the loose at this school. Galloways is back Beatrice s on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!!!!!!” slawter said worriedly.

“OK. But where’s jimbles???? How cum he was doing it with Shatrick????”

“I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself.” she said.

“OMG dat’s terrible!!!!!!!!” I gasped. Johnnyn was still asleep, so he couldn’t tell what was going on. Then I said “Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!!!!!!!!!” wiv dat I ran out.

“Good luck bary!!!!!!!11” everyone cried.

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.

“You fucking bitch!!!!!111” I shouted angrily.

“No, your totally a bitch. Now Derby will like totally kill u!” she laughed.

“Crucious!!!!!!!!!1” I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.

“No!!!!!!1 Help me!!!!!!1 Please!!!!!!!!1” Gord screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Hattrick and Glaaowy had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Derbyt doing it with earnest onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Pete Kowalski. “OMG Vampira!!!!111” I yielded.

We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow. His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!!!1)“I wus so worried you died!” moaned Vetey

“I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I boughtDerby from when he was yung with me.”

“Where’sJimmy?" I asked spuriously.

“Jimmy? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?” Vete snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.

“I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM.” I SED SMARTY.

“I’ll do it den.” Petey said angstily.

“OK.” I argreed. Suddenly……….all da lights in da room went out. And den…….da Dork Mark appeared.

“Oh my fucking JOhnny!!!!” Petey shouted.

“I fink Voldimort has arrivd.” I sed anxiously. “Fuck, I have to find DJohnyJImmyno!!1 I guess we shood separate.”

“Ok.” Petey sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. JImo was there!! He sat der in deddly bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!!!!!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith hattick but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face.

“DraJIm are you okay????” I asked.

“I’m not okay.” he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.

“Oh Jimbo why did you do it with that fucking bastard hattick?"” I asked teardully.

“I-” Jimym began to say but suddenly agalowyn and Mr. Luntzs appearated in2 da room!! They didn’t see us.

“Im so glad we me and Hattricke were freed.” sai Galloway. 

“Dam, this job would be great if it wasn’t 4 da fukking students!” Mr. Luntz argreed.

“Pop addelum!!!!!111” I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.

“Noooooooo!!!!1” Gallogay shouted as chains came on him. Mr. lunts ran away.

“You fukking perv.” I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. “Now u have 2 tell us where Derby Herring is or I’m gong 2 torture u!!!!”

“I don’t now where he is!!!!1111” said Galloway. Suddenly Johnny and Vooete ran in2 da room. Vpetedidn’t know who Johnny was really.

“Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!!1” Johne said. I looked sexily at Jimmyo with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Pete y with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Johnny who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.

I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Jimy sexily. Galoway gasped. Jimo began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Pewtey took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. “Oh mi satan!! Dimy!!!!” I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Petey. I began making out wiv johnn and he joined in. “OMS!!!111” cried Vetye “Oh Petey Petey !!!” I screamed screamed. “Oh Johnnu!!!!!” yelled Petey in pleasore. Galloway watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly……………………………..

………….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Hattrick awuz in it!!!!!!!11

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Dat’s mi car!!!!” shooted jimmy angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz…………hattrick!!!!!

“I shall free you galloway but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. “Gary Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Derby Lord shall never die!!!!”

“You fucking prep!!!” yelled JImmy. Then he loked at me sadly. “I forgot to tell u,Gary .hattrick made me do it with him. I didn’t really have sexx him but he’s a ropeist!!!!”

We all put our clothes on quickly except Johnny. We were so scarred!!!!1 But Johnny didn’t change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into………… Derby harrington!!!!!!!111

“I knew who thou were all along.” he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. “Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!” Thunder came in da room.

“No plz don’t kill us!” pleaded Petey. Suddenly Lola, Gloria, Poruncake,, Euniscey, Ted, Bucky and Donald, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

“What is da meaning of dis?” Crabblesnitch asked all angrily and Derby harrington lookd away (bcos dCrabblere is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. VDerby flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

“Oh my goth!” dr wattsn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)

“The Derbyk Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!” Hattrick ejaculated menacingly.

“You fucking preppy fags!”Chad's dog shouted angrily.

“I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!” screamed Petey but da sparks from his wand only hitJimmy’s car. It fell down Hattrick quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

“Oh my fucking god!!!1” I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Jimmy and the video of Johnny doing it with

“If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton.” He laughed meanly.

“No!” I scremed. “FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Galloway!!!!11”

“Whats she talking abott??????” Gallowauy slurped as he sat in chains.

“I saw 2 she’s gunna show evry1 da picter!!!111” Harry shouted angrily.

“Shut up!!!111’” Lalloway roared.

“Foolish ignoramuses!!!!!!” yielded Derbyt from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.”

“Think again you fucking muggle poser!!!!!1” Harry yelled and then he and Kirby and Kirby both took out blak guns! But Derby took out his own one.

“U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!!!!!!111” I shouted despariedrly.

“Acco Kirby's wand!!!11” cried VDerby nd suddenly Kirbys’s wind was in his hands. “Now I shall kill thee all and gary u will die!!!!!!!!11111”

He maid lighting come all over da place.

“Save usGary!” Carbsnitch cried.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Jimmy but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted.


	12. Make love not warfcat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gary dies. Or something

Crabblesnitch die gestured to the worm academy that was made of frozen piss.   
Cowboy hat wearing cowboy hat which was like cowboy hat. 

Pomegranates moist I want pomegranates.   
Thank you Gary. 

"Oh yeah" said Tommy Wiesau while he yanked it to Gord Vendome's sattelite dish ears and pizza sucking skills. Gord god said "Mm, Chad." while he transmogrified into a cockatrice.  
Oh worm, worm escape. escape from worm academy. but you can never truly get away.  
"Earnest mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" said johnny vincent. He was gay for Earnest. HE WAS NOT.   
The avocado (Persea americana) is a tree, long thought to have originated in South Central Mexico. ... Nutritional benefits of pomegranates. ... Two compounds in pomegranates - punicalagins.   
I need a therapist.   
Help Cranberry????????  
Cranberry arrived and was tagged for gore.  
It was wizard but, he died on impact like a cuck. pornogranate avocady they bullies scholarships edition. HD 720P REMIX ANIME ASMR HEAL CHAKRA REMOVE BUTT CHIN MIND POWER REMIX.  
Earnest was hot can opener, this was troubling. "Fuck you guys." said Johnny while crying over bitches. For example, EA sports and bitchrice. Yeah.   
Gary pointed out out a.   
a  
(it's ok take your time)  
horrendous window. og. The window sucked, like Gord. Except without the pizza.  
DJ Trent played Tarzan Boy by Baltimora. nobody wanted to hear it. Trent wept because he wanted friends. But he couldn't sing because his voice sounded like a pomegranate.  
Ass  
Was wizard dead pussy poppin like my grand dad's funeral. Jimmy Hopkins. Hoh. He was gay. Like my out out a piss stained caterwaul.  
Gary gamed loudly in the basement while he contemplated gay suicide. Why me. He died on impact.   
Wow, world of warcraft.


	13. Jimmy goes to Pizza Hut

Jimbled felt a sudden tugging in his chest. A tugging which tugged him right into the doors of the nearest Pizza Hut. He clipped into the wall, t-posing to the counter. There, working the storefront, was an horrible man with red eyes and no nose. It was...... Derby Harrington.

"Yeah. Pizza. What you want" ask Darbell 

"Yeaahhhhhhh can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhh.hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hhhhhhh. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hhhhhhhh. Hhhhhhhh. Sandwich." 

"Yeah. Sandwich. Wait. we don't got sandwiches. You can't have that." Doorbel mubmbmled. 

"Yeah gimmie dat sandwich wit uhhhhhh. Extra mushrooms. No Lettas. No meats."

"Sir we don't sell sandwich-"

"T H E F U C K D I D I J U S T S A Y." Jumbled began to gesticulate wildly like a caged animal. He clipped further into the countertop, slapping Doorby gently with his shirt sleeves. His eyes rolled back into his head. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"oh ok." Derby. 

 

He retreated back into the kitchen, returning with 2 pizza slices stacked one on top of the other, with a small slice of lettuce between them. 

"THE FUCK IS THIS"

"Sir I-"

"DID I NOT SAY"

"What are you doing."

"NO. L E T T U C E." the entire universe ripped in two. They both fucking perished.


	14. gay?

Pen in hand, Beatrice scribbles something down in her notebook.

_"Does Jimmy Hopkins is Gay?"_

She smiles.


	15. chicken

Gary Smith is a nightmare nightmare and the most cursed thing about that is happening here to die. Four years ago he was a man of power and he was taught to be a good lord and he was taught to be a god. Derby Harringtons of the two men who knows the best way to escape the sin. Window to open up to the door for the first time ever again before you die. Johnny is the one reason why I love he. Chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken.  
piss you are the only thing i said he is the one that is the most important person to do with the other hand. Worm a good time with a a knife and a knife to the right to the end of the day.  
Kirby and he just went.  
Chicken noodle noodle chicken noodle soup chicken noodle noodle chicken noodle chicken soup and chicken noodle soup for  
JOHNNY cash. Chicken and i love it was my allergies but then you pay attention to detail. Doorframe is my ULTIMATE goal.


	16. hm

chicken was vlad on main.  
Im so confuesed  
This is chickwn?  
Yes.   
Doorframe is a hurray?  
Feels sorry for dying guys im stupid  
"yes" said Johnny as Johnny" youreee fnot stupidsSshsh my child"Yelled yieleded ted.   
"I wanna slip My internsut is dying???  
I dont e a sports *wanna go to boxing" said ted again   
Sports H u h.Itsin thae game. Gamers.   
Jirby Im gonna loce cumndcriom.  
Desrno Chinmani ohhh OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
die 6youre acheato.  
Cronch neverst.   
"He would soon be Jackson Pollockes Is the greatest living fainter in the unuiec states."  
said Nsbi Kirby   
Asoorry i eyuined it ascxxk  
we love ted   
red  
ded  
bed   
we love red fall in love with me please im so lonely help.  
Wow, Gary's not heterosexual


	17. cheeky nandoes at bullworth

"OI CUNT" gary yelled, bursting in through the door to jimmy's room. "YA WANNA FOK OFF N GET A DRINK DOWN AT THE PUB"

"what the fuck" petey whispered, looking at jimmy. jimmy looked just as confused as petey was.

"what." jimmy asked, looking at gary in complete bewilderment

"i SAID, CUNTS do u wanna fuck off n spot a bit of tea down the walk, hit up some cheeky nandos on the back yeah?"

"gary what the fuck are you talking about" petey whispered, eyes wide.

gary sighed DRAMATICALLY, slamming the door shut behind him as he stepped into the room.

"what part of this are you fucks not getting, listen up mate, im wanting to hop skip and cheerio down to the pub to catch a pint, are you coming or not.

"gary you're scaring me" petey whispered, inching closer to jimmy

"come on ya numpty, don't get your knickers in a twist. ill be miffed if i have to spend the afternoon with the nobs again."

"the what." jimmy repeated, inching away from gary, looking back and forth between him and petey.

"don't throw a paddy james. i'm skint and need some spawny cunt to get me out of trouble with the rozzers when i bump em off."

jimmy and petey just started in abstract horror, all the time around the preps had turned gary into something strange, something... unholy.

"don't make me conk you cunts" gary growled, crossing his arms in impatience. he was being very clear. he wanted a drink down at the pub with his mates.  
"okay..." jimmy said, slowly standing up, motioning for petey to stay behind, slowly stepping forward. "what do you want to do gary?"

gary groaned in annoyance, he hated having to repeat himself.

"i want to go down to this one blinding pub, stop by a fence and earwig a bit, see if i can catch some doofers, and piss off before the fuzz catch up to us. i'm thinking we'll have to lay low for a fortnight, the preps will probably do their nut, but it'll all work out in the end." gary finished strongly, flashing a winning grin.

jimmy nodded very slowly "yeah that makes complete sense, ill meet you outside."

"brill!" gary yelled, grinning from ear to ear before turning on his heel to leave, doing as jimmy had said.

"what the fuck" petey whispered, shellshocked.

jimmy turned around, jaw set. "petey. if i don't make it back from this, tell my skateboard.... i loved them."

petey nodded, tears building in his eyes as jimmy left.

godspeed.


	18. CHAPTA 4 : pirate bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: there aren't actually any pirates in this chapter

"Sack me up daddy."   
"No"   
"Please?"   
Said Johnny pissing all of the Lola's off his youtube account, banning himself.   
"Why?" said Peanut, ashamed of himself for reasons. Church is mediocre. He cried into morias puss at 6 am. That's why espacito is playing pomegranates bich war.   
Dark Yagami pee. Blood flows across his weenie bo-beenie.   
Ted Thompson dies in Infinity war :pensive::ok_hand:  
Finally, thanos was sharting fat purple people eater. The "whole ass" cried your mum as mirbt olsen devoured swegta bully.   
Die.  
"No, u." ur mum yodelled at my hairline. "Begone hideous loser" said satan chortling. He saw Gay Smath dabbing and crywanking himself to sleep. Wow.   
Ur ugly.


	19. despacito

Ay   
Fonsi   
DY   
Oh  
Oh no, oh no  
Oh yeah  
Diridiri, dirididi Daddy   
Go  
Sí, sabes que ya llevo un rato mirándote   
Tengo que bailar contigo hoy (DY)   
Vi que tu mirada ya estaba llamándome   
Muéstrame el camino que yo voy (Oh)  
Tú, tú eres el imán y yo soy el metal   
Me voy acercando y voy armando el plan   
Solo con pensarlo se acelera el pulso (Oh yeah)  
Ya, ya me está gustando más de lo normal   
Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más   
Esto hay que tomarlo sin ningún apuro  
Despacito   
Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito   
Deja que te diga cosas al oído   
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo  
Despacito   
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito   
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto   
Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito (sube, sube, sube)  
(Sube, sube)  
Quiero ver bailar tu pelo   
Quiero ser tu ritmo   
Que le enseñes a mi boca   
Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby)  
Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro   
Hasta provocar tus gritos   
Y que olvides tu apellido (Diridiri, dirididi Daddy)  
Si te pido un beso ven dámelo   
Yo sé que estás pensándolo   
Llevo tiempo intentándolo   
Mami, esto es dando y dándolo   
Sabes que tu corazón conmigo te hace bom, bom   
Sabes que esa beba está buscando de mi bom, bom   
Ven prueba de mi boca para ver cómo te sabe   
Quiero, quiero, quiero ver cuánto amor a ti te cabe   
Yo no tengo prisa, yo me quiero dar el viaje   
Empecemos lento, después salvaje  
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito   
Nos vamos pegando poquito a poquito   
Cuando tú me besas con esa destreza   
Veo que eres malicia con delicadeza  
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito   
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito   
Y es que esa belleza es un rompecabezas   
Pero pa montarlo aquí tengo la pieza  
Despacito   
Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito   
Deja que te diga cosas al oído   
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo  
Despacito   
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito   
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto   
Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito (sube, sube, sube)  
(Sube, sube)  
Quiero ver bailar tu pelo   
Quiero ser tu ritmo   
Que le enseñes a mi boca   
Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby)  
Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro   
Hasta provocar tus gritos   
Y que olvides tu apellido  
Despacito   
Vamos a hacerlo en una playa en Puerto Rico   
Hasta que las olas griten "¡ay, bendito!"   
Para que mi sello se quede contigo  
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito   
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito   
Que le enseñes a mi boca   
Tus lugares favoritos (favoritos, favoritos baby)  
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito   
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito   
Hasta provocar tus gritos   
Y que olvides tu apellido (DY)  
Despacito


	20. Chapter 20

"Come on Petey." Grumbled Gary as he tossed the matchbox the way of Kowalski. "Don't wimp out on me." He sneered in his general direction, eyes moving farting in every direction. Pete, meanwhile, was trembling a bit. His gaze drifted up the library's bookshelves which now felt like they dwarfed him more than they already did. The entire world was shrinking; the walls were practically closing in, suffocating the young man. He tugged at the collar of his shirt with his free hand, shooting an awkward glance toward Gary. He didn't speak, grimacing so hard his jaw began to ache. 

"Remember? We had a deal." He fished around in his pockets, holding a photo in between his two index fingers. "I keep these particularly embarrassing photos of you in a bunny costume out of the public eye, and all you have to do is set fire to the entire library! It's easy." Pete gulped, holding the box of matches closer. The room was dark; he could barely even make out the letters written in bold on the front. Pete opened the box and examined the tiny matches held within.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Gary kicked over a can of kerosene, the room filling with a heavy stench. Pete gagged, holding his shirt over his nose. 

"Petey." Gary crooned, shoving him toward the spilled liquid. "There's a right and wrong choice here, my friend. Make the right one, or the whole school gets reminded of my- I mean, your terrible choice in Halloween costumes."

Pete struck the match, holding the tiny light up parallel to one of the shelves.

Then, he dropped it.

The library went up in flames, the blaze consuming everything in its path without mercy.

IN TEH END peTEWARD went 2 jail for arson befcause the police didnent care. He was found dead after 3 days. teH end


	21. Forbidden love: Vance x salty Jimmy (stinky farts)

Salty jimmy sucks a odorous fart out of Vance's ripe butthole (for relaxation and sleep)  
[distant plarping] how about kylo ren, eh Jimmy  
Jimmy gets up and leaves, sucking a fart back into his anal cavity because he is so disgusted with Vance's behaviour. Vance will not get to enjoy the scent of his farts any longer if he'd prefer Kylos.  
"Please kin kylo Ren" Vance begs. "I want to slurp your sweet butthole juices."  
"No, I cannot." Salty Jimmy wipes away a tear, mourning the loss of his fartner (fart partner) for he knew what must be done. "Kylo ren is my mother"  
"NOOOOOOO" Vance screams like that darth voter Man from star war movie


	22. Ted is anatomically challenged

As a general rule, the jock hangout had some jocks in it. today was not particularly different. a collection of jocks were definitely in the room.   
"Hey. Damon"   
said ted as he attempted to remember how to count to ten.   
"yeah"  
Damon responded, eating the entire population of france.   
"Dude. bro. do you think dogs have vaginas?"   
Ted asked, still in a daze as he stared longingly out of the window, searching for something just beyond the horizon of the football pitch. he'd never find it.   
Damon walked over, placing a hand gently upon Ted's shoulder, forcing ted to look over and stare directly into his eye sockets.   
There was a tense pause, as Damon looked grave and nodded his head, Ted's greatest fears had been confirmed.   
"Bavgina"

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, i didn't write this
> 
> If anyone would be interested in a fan discord group for this fic, comment and we'll think about making one !


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